he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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