I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Boobs are out for the taking
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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