I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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