I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
