Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
