I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
