I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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