Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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