so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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