I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
