tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
