About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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