So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
