I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She announced her abortion via fbk
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
