YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
