How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
