Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
