i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
