went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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