The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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