so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
