So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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