I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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