i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
