is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i think im in europe. pls send help
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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