If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
