WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
