This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
