The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
