Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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