Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
