Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
