dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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