I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
