i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
