this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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