Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
