He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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