ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
