Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
