i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
