i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
