i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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