Porn is love you can see.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
