Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
