You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
