I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
