I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
