So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
