My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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