There is too much vodka and too much dick.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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