so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
